I lean in for the kill and....

She Moves away!!! I was in SHOCK! No one in the history of the PKOD has ever managed to break its trance. Usually my hypnotic eyes paralyze them as I move in and only after the deed is done can they react (usually with a stunned euphoric look of extreme pleasure) but this one... this one managed to pull way and look back at me with a... WTF are you doing look! I was the one paralyzed. All I kept thinking was, "Why the hell did I not build and install that ejection seat I always wanted?!?!

Honestly I was devastated. This must be what its like for Richard when he meets a girl and her mom calls her in for lunch and nap time just as he's about to round first base! And that poor guy has that happen on a weekly basis!!!

But I dust myself off, and try again. This time I change it up a bit... I grab her by the back of her head and pull her closer.. eh it worked so screw off!

But the look in her eyes showed me that the PKOD had no effect. It was just me slobbering on her face. So if I was to win her over, I would have to resort to my personality.... ya tell me about... I knew I was in trouble!

So on the drive home alone, I went through the usual thought process. Do I like her, Can I see myself with her, should I get a #3 with 2 Fish O Filets, or just the #3... the usual drive home after a first meet stuff.

I did like like her. we had a good foundation of cyber chat and phone and now we met, so ya I was going to see it through and not run off like I usually do. (See Dino, I do listen once in awhile)

So we kept talking, and then started going out, and by going out I mean I would pick her up, then drive down the street to the Army Base where I used to work and we would sit and talk for hours. Then we started to get romantic.... and by romantic I mean... I would pick her up, then drive down the street to the Army Base where I used to work and we would sit and talk for hours... over a nice bottle of wine.
I sooo wish I was joking!!!

As time went by I wanted to say something on the blog, but I started to think, maybe the reason the past relations went so stupid, is because I talked about it... what if this time I went the Eddie way and just shut up. So I did. I didn't tell anyone. Not even Mark knew for the first month. I was living a double life! And I liked it!

Then summer came along and work got really busy. So even if I wanted to post about it, I couldn't get my lazy ass to type anything. So I left the secret message in hopes that someone finding it would spark my energy... that failed.

Honestly the summer was just about work. I saw Laurie regularly only because she was always willing to make time to see me no matter where I was working. One night I was working near my place with Joe, and my shoulder was killing me. She drove all the way to see me with her friend, and then proceeded to massage my shoulder in front of Joe and her friend in the middle of a public park... and she insisted that I be shirtless while she did this... Her poor poor friend.... what a site that was, me shirtless sitting on a rock, having cream rubbed into me, while Joe sat next to me trying to figure out if Laurie's friend was wearing pants... That's a whole other story.

So things have been good. You guys have all met her (except Sheree) and this Christmas I did the big reveal with my parents. That was a situation I wish was caught on camera. I think my parents were so happy to find out I wasn't gay after all these years that even if I had brought home a Russian Mail order bride, they would have been happy. Its funny cause once Laurie showed up, all the conversations went from Jason's wedding to mine!

I have to admit, she has definitely added some excitement to my life. Some good and some bad. Having a girlfriend that is 8 years younger than you, means that all her friends are her age, so I get to have people puking in my Jeep, lots of gossip and dealing with parents thinking your a cradle robber! But all of that is overlooked because I get to say... I'm dating a girl that's 8 years younger! I also have been learning to share my free time, which to me has been tough. Some times I just want to sit around in my underwear playing video games but that's hard to do when the person next to you can't keep their hands off your junk!

But the hardest thing about being in a relationship.... FARTING!!! How do you guys do it? I've become a nervous wreck about this! If I wake up in the morning and I'm laying with my back to the wall, sometimes I bow one out and then proceed to have a heart attack cause I forget if she's behind me or not. Or tickle fights.... Those are worse then Water Boarding! You have a good meal, then after she starts tickling you... well whats a man to do? He's forced to try and contain his laughter so he doesn't laugh like a little girl, all while clenching his cheeks so no noxious gases escape! Luckily I've been pretty good and containing the threat, but its bound to happen one day and I'm not sure I'm ready to share that kind of intimacy with anyone just yet.

Here's a funny little story that even she never heard me tell...

One of the first times I went over to her place when no one was there, we were in her living room playing with her pet rabbit. As much as I hate going to the crapper around chicks, I really had to go so I got up and went into the bathroom (while of course pretending all I was going to do was pee)
I get in the washroom and look at my watch to take note of the time so I can rush through this and make it look like I was pissing and not crapping. So I drop Trough and as I'm about to release, I hear her playing with the rabbit. "Who's a good girl, come her Rabbit" and other baby talk... well you know what that means.... if I can hear her then she can hear me!!! So now I'm stuck on the Bowl clenching and thinking of a way to slowly release without the huge Explosive noise. (and you all know from experience that its not an easy thing to do) So I try the old Flush and fart. I reach behind me and get ready. The plan is to flush the toilet, and push everything out hard and fast so that the sound of the flush muffles the explosion.
So I flush.....
And I fart....
And everything works perfectly... for less than a second! She has one of those quick flush toilets that makes noise for less than a second and then its quiet! So as I flushed I could hear her outside in the living room doing baby talk with the rabbit but as soon as the flush stops and the fart continues I hear the baby talk completely stop mid sentence.... The kind of stop that goes something like... "who di boodi baby, wuddi.... WTF?!?!"
So I finish off knowing dam well I just got caught, and walk back into the room where she sitting very quietly staring out into the distance. I sit down and neither of say a word. She just grabs the TV Remote and flicks channels.... click... click.... click....

So ya, its been fun. I've dated allot over the years and as much fun as that was, its nice to have a constant and regular type of fun. She's awesome and we do have good times together. I don't have to pretend to be a different guy, and she's not hard to deal with.
Its been a bumpy road to getting here, but I think its 3rd times the Charm.

Happy Valentine's Day Everyone.

UPDATE:
I got this email from her tonight while I wrote this at work, and I think it sums her up pretty well...

Hi Baby,

There’s a part of your valentine’s gift I forgot to give you…okay, so it’s not really a V-Day gift but I’m going to use it as one. Remember when I told you that I won a writing contest at school? Well it was supposed to tell a story so I wrote about you/us. I initially thought that was GAY and then forgot to print it out. So here it, enjoy. I find it quite humorous so I hope you do too! Hang in there at work! Xo

POEM

There once was a girl named Laurie
The tale of her love is an interesting story
It began with a man in a land far away
In a kingdom known to most as Montreal today

Now Laurie in love never fully believed
Until she met Nelson who changed all she conceived
For one day around midnight at the computer she sat
With a paper to write yet no words to bat

On a site made for dating she did wind up to be
Where she messaged Nels2 since the service was free

From keyboard to webcam to phone they did talk
Till late late one night under her window he docked.

As she lay there half naked all tucked up in bed
So many thoughts did run through her head

In very grave need for instant persuasion
Nels knew something unique must be thrown into this equation
He emerged from his car and started to dance
And it was then she decided to take this wild crazy chance

His moves were so smooth that right there she knew
That going downstairs was right thing to do

In her nightgown she ran down the stairs, through the hall
As she jumped in his arms thinking "thank god this guy's tall"

From there love did blossom and their strong bond did grow
Though this deep a connection neither of them were to know

Unforgettable dates were spent in the jeep
Leaving Nels oh so happy that her profile he creeped

Now no longer can Nelson really be considered a loner
Sometimes Laurie smothers,
but hey at least she gives him a boner!

You win some, you lose some but I'm sure they'd both agree
That without each other they'd rather not be.