So now that everyone was pretty much done eating and drinking, Greg and I had nothing to do. Sure there was the odd Alchy coming up for a refresher but really we just stood around the bar cracking jokes... at everyone else's expense of course.

At this time Monica started getting everyone for the mandatory cheesy shower games. This also gave the other bridesmaids time to set up for the gift announcements. Yes the gift announcements. I found out around that time that another crazy tradition she has is to go through each gift one by one and thank the giver over the microphone. This meant all the gifts had to be unwrapped. Well Mark was not happy about this. If there is one thing I have learned over the years of knowing Mark, is that he L O V E S opening gifts! So when he saw the bridesmaids opening HIS gifts, he was not too thrilled. I think earlier in the day when he was eating I noticed him stuffing his face with food all while looking back at the gift table and dreaming of ripping open the presents.... and if there is another thing I have learned about Mark over the years is that N O T H I N G ever takes Marks eyes off his food! That how much he wanted to open those gifts!

So while the bridesmaids opened the gifts and Monica was setting up for the games, everyone else just kinda sat in their seats talking. Finally realizing things were moving slowly Monica came over to me with a hand full of tiny pencils, and post it note sized papers and asked me if I could help hand them out for one of the games. Well her being the boss and all I really had no choice.

I walked over to the first table with Yellow, and started handing out the pencils and papers. I casually walked around with a straight face to each seat at the table and handed them all out. As I got to the last person at the table I said "Ok, now if you could each write down your name and phone numbers, I'll be back in a minute to collect them, thanks"

I continued this routine all around the room (except for the cougar table cause I have a feeling some of them would have actually done it) and that seemed to have gone over well.... except that not one person voluntarily gave me their number so.... ya... being class clown isn't exactly the way to win over the ladies... lesson clearly learned.

I headed back to home base at the Bar, and stood there with Greg as they all started playing the games. Honestly I have no idea what the hell they played... something having to do with age height and I think breast size, then something where you win a flower pot, and some other game that only grandmothers and Tanya would think were risky.... there was no spin the bottle or strip musical chairs, or any of the usual games you would see in movies like BRIDAL SHOWER SLUTS 13 or DIRTY BRIDES GET SHOWERED... weird right?
The only game they played that Greg and I could get involved with was a quiz game about Mark and Tanya, which I got 100% on, but since estrogen levels were the lowest in the room I could not claim a prize so I handed my answer sheet to Sarah, which I think won her an Origami bird or something useful along those lines.

As the games continued, the girl opening up the gifts started running out of time so she ask me Greg and Steve to come help her. Easy enough right? Nope. Each gift had to be opened, and cataloged on the back of the card so that Mark and Tanya could thank the giver. Well I would love to know why the hell woman feel the need to wrap gifts as if they were never meant to be opened?!?! I swear some of these wrapping jobs were so elaborate that they needed multiple tools to get them opened. Christ even King Tut was just wrapped in Bandages that you only needed to unravel!

So I'm opening gifts, forgetting to write shit down, while Tanya's cousin is giving me dirty looks cause I'm messing up her system, and I swear Monica was glancing over and putting some Polish curse on me with her eyes!

Finally we get that done and carry all the gifts over to the table where Mark and Tanya are getting ready to do their thing.

Greg and I head back to the bar and watch the show......

We all know Mark as being our resident Thespian. He LOVES to put on a good show. Turn on a camera, gather a group and sit back and enjoy.... right?

WRONG

Mark got up to the microphone with Tanya and with just a few words we knew he was in trouble. I can't remember exactly what he was saying but whatever it was, it was like watching a car wreck. He would say something that in his mind was quite comical, but whatever came out of his mouth, the people in the room weren't finding funny. We stood the the bar watching this and I swear we were cringing. Finally Tanya took center stage and commenced thanking everyone.

Tanya: "We'd like to tank.... Susan... for the lovely gift of.... a platter"
Mark: "Thank you"

Tanya: "We'd like to tank.... the Smiths.... for the lovely gift of.... A fruit bowl"
Mark: "Thank You"

Tanya: "We'd like to tank... the Provista family... for the lovely gift of.... kitchen knives"
Mark: "Thank You"

Tanya: "We'd like to tank... Mary.... for the generous gift of.... money"
Mark: "Ahhh Hell Ya! MINES!"
(Ok that last one he didn't say but we all know he thunk it)

So this went on forever. Like a broken record. During the tanks, I realized something... well a few thing...

A )God those gifts are all so useless. I'm sorry but my mother made amazing rice in a pot all my life, so really no one needs a seperate peice of junk on the counter that has only one purpose.

B )After seeing the gifts, it reinforced my argument as to why the groom does not have to be there. I'm sure no one would be upset if the grrom wasn't around to thank them for the pots and pans they just gave.

C )Tanya has really boring friends. Not one of them gave her any sexy lingerie. I was hoping for Marks sake there would be at least one pair of Nipless bra's and Snatchless Panties! NOTHING!

D )Had I KNOWN that they were going to do this live tanking of the gifts... I would SOOOO have wrapped something like a HUGE BLACK DOUBLE HEADED BATTERY OPERATED DILDO!!! and thrown a card with no name in there....

Tanya: "We'd like to tank.... Ohhh there's no name on this one... for the lovely gift of.... the box is rumbling... hmmm???... OH MY GAWD!!!"
Mark: "Thanks Nels"

So after the gifts were all done, everyone sat around for awhile. Greg went over and talked with the Straitsfelds and I sat and discussed the meaning of life my niece.

Slowly everyone started to leave and as they did we helped pack up the cars with all the crap.

Greg and I took off soon after dropping stuff off at Tanya's parents. Later that night we met up for drink with Mark and Tanya and then drove Greg to the airport.

All in all it wasn't a bad day. I would not want to do it again, and I especially would not want to do it alone, as originally planned.
As much as I was dreading it, it was actually fun. But of course, like always, in order for it to be fun, I need you bozo's around.

So next up is the Bachelor Party....
No plans as of yet, but just to give you guys a little heads up, I think it'll be sometime around mid August. and it'll be here in Toronto.

Also I want to get a Camping trip in this summer, preferably early on like July, so we can actually have hot weather. I'm aiming for a weekend (Friday night-Sunday Afternoon) deal again, and its up to you guys if you want the same location, or something different but in that area.

So that's it.
Onto the next topic... anyone have idea's?

PS: For fun everyone text Greg at lets say 4pm Monday afternoon.... ask him this.... "What do you call an Italian Ipod?"
The story behind that is for some reason he had that joke stuck in his head the whole time he was here. And the bad thing is that he thought it was a hysterical joke, and would use it at every chance he got as well as tell it to anyone who would listen.... and really... its not a funny joke at all.... it makes no sense but hearing him tell it is quite funny.
His other joke of the week end....

Who's better than Christopher Reeves?

Chistopher Walken!

And I made the big mistake of showing him the DICK IN A BOX video before we left for the shower since he never heard of it (yes Greg is a bit behind on his pop culture)
And that only gave him something to sing as he walked around the church basement serving drinks.... Good Times.... good time

So text him "What do you call an Italian Ipod?" for the response to one of the dumbest jokes ever.

PPS: Big shout out to Mike.... Its all good bro... a little water cleans it all up... but I do think you're kinda faggy... just sayin.