When this whole Shower thing came up way back when, I was told I would have to be on my best behavior. I had to wear nice clothes, and I had to be nice.... When I heard that there was even a doubt about my "etiquette" I actually got pretty upset. I don't think I have ever had to be told how to act. Sure I act like a moron most of the time, I may have gotten a bit drunk at Dino's wedding, and been the passenger of a Jeep driving through his backyard, but I don't think I have ever truly embarrassed anyone in front important people. (If I have please speak up, I love those trips down memory lane)

So having this misconception of me out there started to bug me. So I vowed to go all out at this shindig. I was going to be the nicest guy around. I was going to ham it up, and get people talking. All without drinking!

When Monica pointed out the cart that were expected to push around, it really was a crushing moment.... but I decided to make the best of it.

Greg and I proceeded to load up the cart with whatever there was behind the bar. As we started doing this, the ladies started showing up, and they were showing up THIRSTY! One by one they started coming up to the bar to ask for a drink. So now Greg was behind the bar, and I was in front of it with that cart. So these woman would ask for a drink, I would pull the bottles off the cart, hand them to Greg and he would pour the drinks, I would add the Ice, and then hand the freshly poured beverage to the woman standing next to me... it was really a retarded way of making a drink but hey... it got us all involved.

This didn't stop there... no, it seemed the Bar was the place to be. We were handing out so many drinks we actually thought we would run out before the party even started. It didn't help out that who ever bought the supplies (no names Monica) didn't think to buy a bit more then thought to be necessary, or even some of the obvious stuff like Diet Coke. A room full of woman and no one expected Diet Coke would be a hit? COME ON! But we managed to tame the wild beasts and with our charm and good.... ok charm, we had the ladies laughing, blushing and one even spanked my bum! (ok not really but I'm sure a few wanted too)

Being behind the bar gave us a great view to check out all the "crumpet." And let me tell you there was an abundance of hotties at this shin dig. I would have to use my mathematical skills here, but I would say 85% of the ladies were prime beef. Of that 85%, 45% were Fillet Mignon, and of that 25% I would guesstimate that 10% were just oozing the sex! And of the 10%.. there was Yellow... In walked this chick in a tight Yellow one piece dress, a miniskirt I guess (I'm not familiar with the terms but it was Yellow, Tight and Mini) and Black high heels... those I know. She had a Black Shirley Temple hair do and a super pretty face. Maybe she wasn't the hottest one in the room but dam if that Yellow dress didn't make her stand out.

At this point, we started thinking maybe the bar really was the best place to serve the drinks. No one seemed to mind getting up to come get their own so we decided to sneak the cart behind the bar and hoped no one would say anything... well that was a waste cause no sooner had we rolled the cart back there, Monica was there telling up to get going. That chick was a real Slave driver I tell ya.

I had met Monica a few times in the past, and it was always pleasant. She's a good looking girl, so obviously I had a thing for her... until the day her car broke down next to my work and I was forbidden to go help her... another shot to my character but that's a different story... but I think I always treated her nice.... I guess I was wrong cause this chick had it in for me and Greg. Every 3 mins she was there telling us to "hurry up..." "get the cart going..." "people are waiting..." "hurry..." "hurry..." "hurry..."
As if we had the cure for cancer in our fruit punch!
But we knew we were there to do a job, so we just did as the boss said.

We rolled out the cart and made our way to the first table..... ohhh boy.... that was just a disaster. It was a round table seating around 8 woman, some middle aged, and 1 Yellow! Well of course the first table we serve HAD to have the girl we both were in love with. Why not, perfect opportunity for both of us to Pull a Nelson. Right away I start to get nervous. I picture us dropping cups, tipping over bottles, spilling drinks on dresses, rubbing a breast with my elbow as I reach to put a drink on the table... the possibilities were endless... oh and I forgot to mention.. for some reason I had the Shakes! I noticed at the bar while pouring drinks that my hands were trembling. Its nothing new, its something I have struggled with when having to solder something or work on a PC, but to be in charge of different colored liquids and handing them over to woman in dresses... that just made it soo much better

I started with "Hi, we'll be serving your drinks today, what can we get you ladies?"

As we went around one by one it seemed the Fruit punch was going to be our big seller. Considering we had a small jug, we finished it off with 4 glasses. Greg takes all the juices and the jug and heads back to the bar to mix up some more, leaving me to deal with the tables. I try ever so hard to not look at Yellow, A) Cause that would be creepy, and I was afraid to look at her and find some kind of fault up close that would ruin the illusion for me. (Yes Dino, I have issues, we know this)

I head to the next table and feel a bit more relieved when I'm greeted with group "Heeyyy Nelson" Thankfully all of the ladies at this table I had already met, so that meant there was no possible way I could mess this up more than I had already done so in the past. And as a side note... one of the girls I had met one night when I went out for dinner with Mark and Tanya and her friends, and this chick (no idea what her name was) had a thing for me. Sure she was engaged to be married but I am telling you! She had a thing for me! Tanya thinks I'm nuts, but I NEVER go around saying things like that... but this chick did in fact have a thing for me... so !!

After dealing with them I head to what I like to call the Liquored up Cougar Table. 3 Older woman, all obvious smokers from the raspiness of their voices, and all of them wine drinkers. Not fine wine, just let me get shit-faced-ed with anything you got kinda wine drinkers. They were also the ball busters of the room, but that came into effect more so when my sister joined them at the table (Like I said, Cougars) and told them to bust my balls.

We move onto the next few tables, with Greg running back to the bar every few minutes to make more punch. By the time we made it around the room 1 time it probably took us 30mins.... and there were only 8 tables! Once we realized how slow we were we decided to change our game plan.... less focus on the drinks, more focus on the ladies!

We head back to our first table again with Yellow.

"Hows our number one table doin?" I say as we pull up

We get a good laugh as we crack jokes and schmooze our way around the table.

Next Table...

"Hows our number one table doin?" and as I say that they all look over to the first table that is looking back at us....

"I mean Number 2... our number 2 table" again a few laughs.....

One this round we were on fire!

We had all kinds goin

my personal fav being "If you think we're good now, wait till later when we jump out of the cake and start dancing!"

or Greg's "We don't accept tips, but we'll take any advise you got!"

Now that we had a solid thing going, we were rock'in and roll'in! Just as we were about to go around a third time, Tanya comes up to tell us to sit down and eat. We tell her we didn't want to eat, we just wanted to keep going. Then her Dad comes to us and tells us to take a break, and we politely tell him we were ok, but then her mom comes, takes our cart away and tells us to sit down and eat.....

So we're sitting at the table eating....

We're seated at the "head table" alone, feeling like everyone in the room was staring at us, not only cause they were in everyone's eye line, but cause they were probably thirsty! As we're plowing through our meals, they announce that the desert table was open and coffee was at the bar. Well let me tell you, this was a bit of a slap in the face... we thought for sure we were doing the coffee service so in an effort to stay on top, we finished our meals, and I got up, went over to the mic, and made an announcement...

"Drink service will now resume"

We got back our cart and went around a final time.... unfortunately everyone had already got coffee so we were now useless....

I think I'm about to make history here by making this a 3 parter!

I have to be up early to do some stuff and there is still quite a bit left to post (Not really but I'm good at dragging it out)

There are still some key elements left

and I promise that the next post will be so worth it... if you find the secret message that is...
So stay tuned....